When I first entered recovery, I carried a heavy burden of resentment. It felt like a suit of armor I wore to protect myself from the pain I didn’t want to face. In reality, it wasn’t protecting me at all—it was weighing me down, keeping me stuck in a cycle of bitterness and blame. Forgiveness seemed like a foreign concept, an impossibility even. How could I forgive the people who hurt me? And maybe more importantly, how could I forgive myself?
I’ve come to learn that forgiveness isn’t about excusing someone’s behavior or minimizing the harm they caused. Forgiveness is about freeing myself from the chains of resentment. It’s about refusing to let the past dictate my future.
In recovery, I’ve often heard the phrase, “Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” At first, I didn’t fully grasp its meaning. But as I worked through my steps and dug deep into my past, I realized that the poison of resentment was slowly eating away at me. It wasn’t hurting the people I was angry with—it was hurting me.
Forgiving others wasn’t easy. I had to confront my pain, acknowledge my feelings, and process the harm that was done. For me, this started with prayer and meditation. I asked God to help me let go of my anger and replace it with understanding. There were days when I resisted and clung to my grudges, convinced that they were justified. But each time I let a resentment go, I felt a little lighter, a little freer.
The most challenging part of forgiveness, though, was forgiving myself. My disease of addiction had led me to hurt people I loved. I carried shame and guilt for years, convinced that I didn’t deserve forgiveness. But through the love and support of my recovery community, I began to see that I was worthy of redemption.
Self-forgiveness came slowly, piece by piece, as I made amends and worked to rebuild trust with others. I had to learn to speak kindly to myself, to stop replaying my mistakes in my head, and to accept that my past doesn’t define me. The grace I found in recovery reminded me that forgiveness is a gift I can give to myself.
Today, I view forgiveness as an ongoing process, not a one-time event. Old wounds can resurface, and new resentments can creep in if I’m not vigilant. But I’ve learned to recognize these feelings and deal with them before they grow into something toxic.
Letting go of resentment doesn’t mean forgetting or allowing myself to be hurt again. It means acknowledging the pain, accepting it, and choosing to move forward. Forgiveness has been one of the most liberating parts of my recovery journey. It has allowed me to heal, to grow, and to connect more deeply with others—and with myself.
If you’re holding onto resentment, I encourage you to take the first step toward letting it go. You don’t have to do it perfectly or all at once. Start where you are, and give yourself the grace to heal. Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. And as I’ve learned, it’s one of the most powerful acts of self-love in recovery.
